The Fighting Debutante's Blog!

FD is Back!

2009-07-28T12:55:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I had to take a break to launch a couple more blogs. That said I will be back on the Fighting Debutante grind this week. Stay tuned!!

How to Pack for a Summer Vacation

2009-05-10T00:28:00.000-07:00

Packing for a summer trip can be an daunting process if you aren't careful. With stricter airlines regulations, it's more important than ever to be an efficient packer. Some things are best left at home because unless you want to cough up more money for your excess baggage, less is always more. Unless your travel is taking you somewhere the sun doesn't shine, here's what to bring.

-A light jacket. Great for throwing over your shoulders for a stroll on the beach. It should keep you warm but not insulate you.

-A sundress (or two). Sundresses are great for just throwing on during a vacation. It's a one piece garment that be folded simply and put on in less than 30 seconds.

-A bikini. If you plan at all to get in the water, a cute little bikini should do the trick. If you're self conscious, shoot for the one piece. You can find great bikinis at just about every store in every market. If you're on a budget try Target and Old Navy.

-Sunglasses. For obvious reasons, protect your eyes from the blistering sun while you sip mixed drinks by the shore.

-Flip-flops. I buy flip-flops in a variety of colors simply because they are convenient and easy to wear.

-2 tees. V-neck or crew neck, tee shirts are great for just throwing on. Buy them in bulk at stores like the Gap or The Limited.

-2 tank tops. Thank tops can be worn under a dress, over a swimsuit, or in conjunction with a pair of (see below). They are light and come in a zillion different colors.

-Khaki shorts. These are a must for any vacation. Khaki shorts are great for a stroll through through the city or for a trip to the local bar and grill. Paired with a tee or tank top, they provide effortless chic.

-A pair of jeans. For the trip home just in case the weather isn't so hot when you return. Jeans are the quintessential item that no woman can do without!

-Don't forget your underwear and the 3 ounces bottles of beauty products!

(Photo by Ryan McVay)

A New Beginning: Just a Few Thoughts

2009-03-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

Life is so funny. Sometimes when you think something is going the way it should be, something happens to send your plans down another path. Is this a bad thing? Hardly. Sometimes in life we have to have our own personal derailment to get back on the right track. Over the last several months I have experienced some "divine" interventions, a few of them I thought shouldn't have taken place, but clearly now I understand why they happened. Friends as well tell me how they go through things and at that moment they don't understand why "it" happened to them. Clearly God had his plans and his way of telling us what they are is changing things in our day to day lives.

Every day I strive for excellence and encourage others to do the same. I refuse to be around people who have no ambition or have a desire to keep drama going. Those are probably the people who were in the same position they are in now, ten years ago. Some people simply do not want to change for the better or do the right thing. Yet they find the time to sit down and criticize what you are doing because they wish they could be doing it to.

In everything you do, know what you want out of it. Set goals but also take time out to smell the roses. Yes like the old cliche when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well you know what, I make some damn good lemonade!

Photo (Lemon Splash) courtesy of Getty Images by Chris Stein

How to Save Your Skin From Winter

2009-02-09T16:02:00.000-08:00

Winter can be harsh on black skin. If you live in particularly harsh climates, your skin may be more prone to dryness, flaking, and irritation. Most people think they only need to protect their skin in the summer from sun damage, but preventing winter damage is crucial as well.

Face and Lips
Washing your face with a gentle cleanser daily and exfoliating with a scrub at least once a week to remove dead skin cells can keep skin in tip-top shape. Apply a sunscreen with SPF 30 to your face to prevent sun damage. Lips should be kept moist with either a moisturizing lip balm.

Products to try:

* Face: St. Ives Elements Olive Oil Cleanser, Cetaphil Cleanser, St. Ives Apricot Scrub
* Lips: Burts Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with Pomegranate oil

Water & Your Skin
Avoid using hot water during baths and showers. Hot water robs the skin of moisture and causes dryness. Bathing or showering with lukewarm water is less harmful to the skin. Use a gentle liquid cleanser on skin instead of soap. After your bath or shower, apply a lotion or oil(oil absorbs better) to damp skin.

Products to Try:

* Skin Cleansers: Dr. Bronner's Liquid Soap Lavender, Citrus, or Peppermint scent, Caress Tahitian Renewal Body Wash, or Dove Body Wash After
* Bath/Shower Oil: Trader Joe's Lavender Oil, Neutrogena Body Oil, Nivea Original Moisture Lotion

Hands and Feet
Hands and feet are often the driest area on the human body. Be sure to protect your hands with gloves if you live in an extremely cold climate. When you're washing dishes, use plastic gloves and apply a hand moisturizer if your hands are exposed to water more frequently. For your feet, consider soaking them once a week in a peppermint bath to relieve stress and irritation. For extremely dry feet, use a pumice every other day to remove dead skincells. Apply a moisturizing cream or oil to feet and cover with cotton socks.

Products to Try:

* Hand Creams: Carol's Daughter Lemon and Rose Hand Cream, Neutrogena Hand Cream
* Foot Treatments: Burt's Bees Coconut Foot Creme, The Body Shop Peppermint Cooling Foot Lotion

Keeping your skin protected in winter is simple. Remember moisture is the key, and protecting your skin consists of more than just warm clothes. Drink plenty of water, and sleep with a humidifier in your room if necessary. For severe skin problems, avoid a self-diagnosis and see a dermatologist.

(photo by

President Obama

2009-01-21T20:18:00.001-08:00

With all the excitement over the last few days, I hadn't a chance to sit down and write. First let me say how elated I am that President Obama's inaugural ceremony went off without a hitch.

Just by staring out into the sea of people, I could feel Obama's positive energy being reflected. He is a genuine person, a good husband and father. If he approaches the presidency with the same valor he uses as a family man, he will do a hell of a job. Not only is he eloquent and intelligent, he knows how to hand a suit too. The Prez as we like to say around the way, has swagger. When he walks into a room, he owns it. He commands attention and when he has it, he doesn't let the people down.

With so many issues to deal with, mainly our economy and the war in Afghanistan, President Obama has his work cut out for him. I am confident though, not only will he make get the job done, he will look good doing it. He has a team of exceptional leaders by his side and as long as he stays true to himself, the people, and this country, he cannot fail.

Obama's Inauguration Events

2009-01-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

SATURDAY, JAN. 17

_ President-elect Barack Obama and his family ride the train from Philadelphia to Washington, stopping in Wilmington, Del., for Vice President-elect Joe Biden and his family. Train will stop in Baltimore for speech before heading south.

_ BET Honors, an awards ceremony, at the Warner Theater.

_ People's Inaugural Gala Celebration at the Grand Hyatt Hotel.

_ Will.i.am "Yes We Did" concert.

_ Concert with Mary J. Blige, Common and Nelly at nightclub Ibiza.

SUNDAY, JAN. 18

_ Obama will kick off inaugural activities with a welcome event on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday afternoon. The event begins at 2:30 p.m. Beyonce, U2, Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, Usher, Shakira, Sheryl Crow, Josh Groban and James Taylor are among the musicians scheduled to perform.

_ Presidential Inaugural Luncheon and Fashion Show at the Ritz-Carlton.

_ EMILY's List Inaugural Luncheon with scheduled guests including Cabinet appointees Hillary Rodham Clinton and Janet Napolitano, Sens. Kay Hagan and Jeanne Shaheen, and North Carolina Gov. Bev Perdue.

_ African-American Church Inaugural Ball at the Grand Hyatt Washington.

_ 2009 Latino Inaugural Gala with Marc Anthony at Union Station.

_ Aloha Inaugural Ball, organized by former Obama campaign workers, held at the Wardman Park Marriott Hotel at 7:30 p.m.

MONDAY, JAN. 19

_ National Day of Community Service event: To honor Dr. King's legacy, Obama, Biden and their families, joined by Americans across the country, will participate in activities dedicated to serving others in communities across the Washington, D.C. area.

_ Black Tie & Boots Inaugural Ball, sponsored by the Texas State Society, at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center.

_ Green Inaugural Ball at the Donald W. Reynolds Center for American Art and Portraiture. Ball hosted by former Vice President Al Gore.

_ Huffington Post preinaugural ball at the Newseum.

_ Hip-Hop Inaugural Ball at the Harman Center for the Arts. Hosted by the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, Russell Simmons, LL Cool J, among others.

_ A children's evening concert at the Verizon Center honoring military families. Event hosted by Michelle Obama, who will attend. Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers are among the entertainers.

_ Obama to attend three private dinners to honor former secretary of State Colin Powell, Biden and Sen. John McCain, the 2008 Republican presidential nominee, for their public service. Dinners at the Hilton Washington, National Building Museum and Union Station.

TUESDAY, JAN. 20 (INAUGURATION DAY)

Gates to the Inaugural Ceremony open at 8 a.m. The inaugural festivities are scheduled to start at 10 a.m. on the West Front of the U.S. Capitol. They will include:

_ Musical selections of The United States Marine Band, followed by the San Francisco Boys Chorus and the San Francisco Girls Chorus.

_ Sen. Dianne Feinstein provides call to order and welcoming remarks.

_ Invocation by the Rev. Rick Warren.

_ Musical selection of Aretha Franklin.

_ Biden will be sworn into office by Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.

_ Musical selection of John Williams, composer/arranger with Itzhak Perlman, (violin), Yo-Yo Ma (cello), Gabriela Montero (piano) and Anthony McGill (clarinet).

_ Obama will take the Oath of Office, using President Lincoln's Inaugural Bible, administered by Chief Justice John Roberts. Scheduled around noon.

_ Obama gives the inaugural address.

_ Poem by Elizabeth Alexander.

_ Benediction by Rev. Joseph E. Lowery.

_ The National Anthem by The United States Navy Band "Sea Chanters."

After Obama gives inaugural address, he will escort outgoing President George W. Bush to a departure ceremony before attending a luncheon in the Capitol's Statuary Hall.

The 56th Inaugural Parade will then make its way down Pennsylvania Avenue from the Capitol to the White House.

Later that day, the Presidential Inaugural Committee will host 10 official inaugural balls:

_ Neighborhood Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

_ Obama Home States (Illinois and Hawaii) Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

_ Biden Home States (Pennsylvania and Delaware) Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

_ Midwest Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

_ Mid-Atlantic Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

_ Western Inaugural Ball at the Washington Convention Center.

_ Commander in Chief's Ball at the National Building Museum.

_ Southern Inaugural Ball at the National Guard Armory.

_ Eastern Inaugural Ball at Union Station.

_ Youth Inaugural Ball at the Washington Hilton.

Unofficial balls include:

_ Congressional Black Caucus Inaugural Ball at the Capitol Hilton.

_ Creative Coalition Inaugural Ball at the Harman Center for the Arts.

_ Recording Industry Association of America's ball for Feeding America.

_ BET's Inaugural Ball at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel.

_ Africa on the Potomac inaugural celebration at Crystal Gateway Marriott in Arlington, Va.

_ American Music Inaugural Ball at the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel.

_ Inaugural Purple Ball at the Fairmont Hotel.

_ Human Rights Campaign's Equality Ball at the Renaissance Mayflower Hotel.

_ Inaugural Peace Ball at the Smithsonian National Postal Museum.

_ Impact Film Fund ball.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 21

_ The president, vice president and their families will participate in a prayer service at the Washington National Cathedral.

10 Reasons Why You're Single (Or Unattached)

2009-01-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

1. Your attitude. Your attitude determines your altitude and if you keep saying you're going to be single forever, you will be.

2. Your standards are too high. You want the perfect man/woman, yet you are far from perfect yourself. If you did find Mr./Ms. Perfect, why would they want you?

3. You're holding onto past hurts. So you broke up with your college sweetheart five years ago and they got married six months later. Get over it. It wasn't meant to be. For whatever reason God placed that person in your life to show you a thing or two and now it's time to move on.

4. Bad Karma. You messed with other women/men's boyfriends/girlfriends/wives/husbands and it's coming back to bit you in the a$$. Leave people who are in a relationship alone. Most men do not leave their wives and some husbands are deranged enough to want to kill you. Stick to single folks.

5. Your parents marriage failed or your parents never married. People often fear a real commitment because they paternal figures relationship's failed. It is not your fault, so why are you letting it stop you from getting into a relationship.

6. You Wanna Ride the Freak Train one more time. Some people honestly feel they are missing out on something if they get into a relationship. Enjoying yourself is fine, but who wants to be the old man at the club or the old h** at the bar?

7. You're selfish. You're to shallow and insecure to care about anyone let alone let them into your life.

8. You use your career or education as a disqualifying factor when choosing a mate/date. You think because you're making tons of money and are able to do whatever you want that you don't need nobody. Well your paycheck is not going to keep you warm, nurse you when you are sick, or listen to your bulls*** at the end of a bad day. So you have 3 master's degrees, good for you. Don't throw your education in someone's face, especially when they are trying to get to know you. While real men/women won't be intimidated, your constant rants about him not being educated will keep you in the single market. Encourage your partner to get a degree if that is what they want to do. And sistahs don't sleep on the blue collar bruthas!!

9. You listen to your family and friends too much or have them in your business. Taking bad advice, especially from someone who is not in a healthy relationship is a bad idea. Men, keep your mama/sister/auntie out of your kitchen. If you have a woman, it her duty to feed you, not your mama's. And men, please remember to do man things. No, we do not want to take out the damn trash! It's cold outside and somebody might grab me, plus our heels will get dirty! Women, you can be daddy's little girl without running to him for everything. Men want to be needed. If you need an oil change, ask your man. He will be more than happy to do it. And for goodness sake, LEARN HOW TO COOK and CLEAN! It ain't that hard to do.

10. You're unattractive. Not in the literal sense, but your energy is off and you don't exude the excitement of positivity a relationship requires. You have to use what you've got to get what you want, but this goes beyond a big booty or bank account. People of no substance will never be happy in a relationship. You have to have something to offer.

7 Things to Do for Your Relationship in '09

2009-01-05T10:57:00.000-08:00

Get the year off to a good start in your relationship. After all, everybody deserves a clean slate! Here's a few ways to do it:

1. Keep your business, your business. As tempting as it is to share certain aspects of your relationship with friends or family, keep most things to yourself. Letting people know too much of your "tea" gives people something to talk about and you might not want everyone else to know about it.

2. Keep your family out of your business. Trust me on this one, I've seen the demise of several marriages due to one party's inability to keep their family out of their mix. Set boundaries and let family know only things that are truly a joy to share or if your partner is causing you some sort of harm.

3. Have "us" time. Us time without anyone else around is how couples get to know each other. Relationships take a lot of work and if you want yours to last, you have to block out all the outside influences from time to time and give yourselves breathing room from the rest of the world.

4. Spend time apart. You don't have to be in each others faces all the time. Spend time with yourself and oyu will be a better mate.

5. Communicate. There's nothing worse in a relationship than a lack of communication. Your partner is not a mind reader so don't expect them to know what you are thinking, and don't assume. If there's something going on in your life that has you in a bad mood or feeling low, share it with your partner so they will know to help you work it out or steer clear.

6. Get intimate. This doesn't just mean have sex. Sex is fine too, but you can be intimate without having sex. Massages, head rubs, even snuggling are ways to connect with your partner. Let them know you're there.

7. Settle your differences. Don't play emotional games in your relationship. That is not the business. If there is a problem, address it. No one likes to be left in the dark when it comes to a problem. Addressing it sooner rather than later helps prevent anger and misunderstandings.

Eva the Diva to Marry Her Prince Charming!

2008-12-31T00:11:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Eva the Diva and the homie Lance Gross on their Christmas engagement. Lance and Eva are a great pair and their astrological signs (Cancer and Scorpio) are a great match!!

How to Make (And Stick to) New Year's Resolutions

2008-12-30T22:52:00.000-08:00

Every year I make a list of things I want to achieve and things I need. Over the course of the year I may get off track and forget half of the things I vowed to do. But I have learned over the last several years that to keep my resolutions, I have to create a realistic list. The best thing you can do when trying to achieve certain goals is to make sure they are reasonably attainable. Here's a few tips on making your list of resolutions and keeping them:

1. Start out with 5 realistic resolutions. If you work hard on 5 things you want or need, you have a better chance of achieving them.

2. Reward yourself for reaching a milestone. Say you're a real estate agent and you set out to sell three homes a month. By mid month you've sold one, and have another under contract. Celebrate, because you 1/3 of the way to achieving your goal. Whether you buy a new pen or treat yourself to a new pair of Louboutins, recognize your accomplishments.

3. Surround yourself with like-minded people or people who can help you. When you surround yourself with positive people, you feed off their energy. Good energy produces good energy. Period.

4. Don't try to do it all. You can only take on so much. I have a habit of trying to do too much so my goal for '09 is to take a breather and accomplish small tasks. For example, my most important goal for '09 is to publish my second book. I'm such an over analyzer, I put doing so off for a few years. I vow to publish at least one of my upcoming three books this coming year.

5. Enjoy your accomplishments but don't stop there. Once you achieve a goal, move on to the next. Don't linger on one goal. There is work to be done!

Rihanna Reps the new Gucci Tattoo Heart Collection

2008-12-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

Exquisite, elegant, and sexy, Rihanna is the new spokesmodel for the Gucci Tattoo Heart Collection. The new line of handbags features python, tattooed heart patchwork, white leather trim and gold hardware. Twenty-five percent of the proceeds will benefit UNICEF. Gotta love that Gucci!

The bag shown retails for $4590 (pull out the platinum for this one baby) and is sold in Gucci Boutiques and high-end department stores.

10 Great Gifts to Give Anyone

2008-12-10T17:09:00.000-08:00

Shopping for those near and dear to us is often a daunting task. After all, you can only buy so many watches, colognes, sweaters, and body washes to give as gifts. The key to successfully selecting a gift is all about knowing what the recipient likes. Too many times people buy gifts based on what they like, and not what the person wants. Take a hint and observe, sometimes the signs are there. If all else fails, select one of these disappointment-proof options!

1. Magazine subscriptions. For people who enjoy reading magazines, a gift subscription is ideal. You simply fill out the subscription card, put your name as the sender, pay the invoice and that's it. A no-fuss gift solution even for the pickiest person on your list. There has to be something they enjoy reading about!

2. Airline gift cards. Unless they are scared of flying, most people can appreciate a gift card they can used toward airline tickets. With all of the fees and surcharges airlines charge nowadays, a gift card can make all the difference.

3. Charitable donations. For the good Samaritan on your list, consider making a donation to their favorite charity on their behalf. Not only will you make them happy, your donation will go towards something good and useful, and it's a gift that keeps on giving.

4. A journal. A journal may seem like a copout gift, but a lot of people like to write in journals. Some may even use it to write that novel they've been procrastinating on. Select a journal to match their personality and you can't go wrong.

5. An engraved or personalized gift. Who doesn't love to see their name or initials on something? Buy a gift you can personalize and it'll mean twice as much to the recipient. Monogrammed towels, a personalized jewelry box, or money clip are just a few gifts you can personalize.

6. A CD or Movie. Buy a gift from their favorite artist or get their favorite movie on DVD and watch their face light up. I'm a huge music fan, so I would enjoy receiving a CD, and the James Bond 007 series wouldn't hurt either...Just kidding.

7. Candles. Candles are the perfect gift. They can light up a room and add a nice touch to almost any environment. Choose nice scents that are fragrant enough to set a mood and not too overpowering.

8. A gift card. Gift cards are quite popular and a reasonable solution if you simply can't decide what to get some one. American Express and Visa gift cards are extremely popular and you can use them just about anywhere.

9. A great book. Books are forever, and they are great for inspiration, fun, or entertainment. They are perfect for kids or adults and there's hundreds to choose from!

10. Tickets to a special event. If your loved one has been dying to go to a special concert or event, surprise them with tickets. Often times people don't take time out to enjoy life, this small gesture will be worth their weight in gold!

No matter what you buy, put your heart into. While a gift may seem simple to you, it could mean the world to someone else. Happy Holidays!

Great, Fun, Cheap First Dates...Or any date!

2008-12-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

Not sure what to do on your first date? Need some new ideas for your already thriving relationship? Sometimes it's the simple things that mean the most. You can have a good time without breaking the bank or going overboard. Here's a few simple dates that will make everybody happy!

Bowling. Bowling is not only fun, it's inexpensive and great exercise. Lucky Strikes at the Staples Center in Downtown L.A. has a great bowling alley, complete with a full bar and dinner menu. Games average around $6.95 a piece; entrees are around 8.95.

The Movies. Who can't enjoy a good flick? The movies is not only fun, it's relaxing. You can kick back, enjoy some hot buttered popcorn with a Coke and Rasinets with your date and laugh, cry, or scream to your hearts content.

Pool. So you're a lousy pool player, join the club. Pool is fun once you get the hang of it, and asking a guy to help you learn will make him feel all cool and macho. If you're a skilled player, it can be a lot of fun. Whatever the case, it's better in twos.

A Concert. Concerts can be exciting because the music will move you and bring ambiance. Music moves the soul and depending on the type of music it is, it just may bring you closer to your date. If it's a first date, go for something upbeat, that way you won't feel awkward when all the lovers in the house or swooning all over each other.

An outdoor fair or market. Visit different vendors, shop for brunch or just enjoy the day. Farmer's markets are a popular fete in California and they provide great opportunities to try new foods, sample products, or simply have a great conversation.

Game night at a friends. Join another couple and pull out the Monopoly, Scrabble, or Taboo games. Game night is a simple, inexpensive opportunity to get to know someone better. If you don't like board games, try cards or dominoes. Just make sure you have the snacks and something to drink!

First dates should be fun and simple. The goal is to get to know that person better or simply just enjoy each others company. Whatever date you choose, just makes sure you go at it with an open mind and an open heart. You never know what might happen!

How to be the Perfect Party Guest

2008-12-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

Clink, clink! The holiday parties are about to begin. Before you head to your next bash, take some to find out how to be the perfect party guest.

Dress for the occasion. Nothing says class like someone who follows directions. If the invitation says cocktail attire, opt for a chic dress or dressy slacks. Whatever you do, don't show up in jeans or some other form of inappropriate attire. You will stand out, but it won't be in a good way.

Bring the host a gift. A bottle of wine, a candle, or some other small gift will make your host feel special. While it's not required to bring a gift to a party, it is a nice gesture and it does set you apart from the rest of the crowd.

Be on your best behavior. The best guests are well-behaved guests. Don't over indulge in alcohol, don't flirt with someone else's husband, and don't touch anything! You are there to enjoy yourself and so is everyone else, eat drink and be merry, and try to avoid gossip and politically incorrect conversations. It's a party for goodness sake!

Mingle. Even if you're there with someone, it won't hurt to be friendly and strike up a conversation. I've gone to some parties where I didn't know anyone and left with new friends. It's all about the people.

Don't wear out your welcome. In other words, don't linger. Once the party is over, most hosts want to clean up and get to bed. If you aren't going to help with clean up, don't stick around. It is gracious to leave the party when it's over, worrisome to stay past the fifteen minute after mark.

How to Shop a Sale

2008-11-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is officially Black Friday, the biggest retail sale date for shoppers. There will be droves of shoppers in the stores, and many stores are opening early to accommodate them. So how can you be sure you don't miss out? Follow these steps:

Get there early. If the store opens at 5 a.m., get there at 4:15. Depending on the items you wish to purchase (electronics and toys usually go the fastest), you can still get in for the great deals. For the long wait, be sure to bring snacks and coffee to keep you warm if you have to wait outside.

Dress comfortably. Don't be bogged down with a lot of clothes if you can help it. You may have to move quickly and wearing a lot of clothes will prevent you from moving freely throughout the store. Keeping your style simple also helps when you have to try on clothes in the store.

Look for offers and bring in your coupons. Don't be fooled by my fabulous style, I am a bargain shopper. Nothing excites me like a good discount. If I can save a few bucks on something I really want, it makes my day. Check newspapers, and your email inbox for retailer coupons. You can't go wrong with a discount.

Buy in bulk. For items that are two for 1, it's better to go ahead and get both. Even if you don't need the other item, you can give it as a gift. Buying in bulk may not seem like it's saving you a lot of money but it does.

Know your limits. Don't overspend. No matter how good a deal is, if it's going to put you in the hole, pass on it. Make wise purchases and keep your receipts just in case you have to return something.

Read the fine print. It is important to know the store's return policy. Not all stores give merchandise refunds, many simply accept exchanges or give merchandise credits. Know the policy before you attempt to return an item, otherwise you'll just waste time and money.

How to be a Bond Girl

2008-11-26T10:24:00.000-08:00

Sexy, smart, enchanting, adventurous. The Bond Girl's really know how to move. Whether you're as subtle as Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale, or hot as Ursula in Dr. No, you can enhance your inner Bond Girl and give men something to drool over.

Look the part. Bond Girls are confident, sexy, and sophisticated. Turning heads is what Bond Girl's do. Dress according to what you like, but make your clothes flatter not overpower you. Playing up your features and your assets will captivate your admirers and leave them begging for more.

Own the room but don't take it over. When you enter a place, take it over. Confidence is more alluring than any pretty face. You've seen average looking women with a bevy of admirers. It's because they have that special "umph" that makes men want them and women envy them. Hold your head up high, smile, and keep your voice low. A little mystery goes a long way.

Use your skills. Are you a great cook? Good at interior design? Able to put outfits together at the blink of an eye? Good with your hands? Well, don't be ashamed to flaunt them. Bond Girls are talented, charming, and attractive. Make the most of your abilities.

Have a signature. Be it a drink, a certain brand of shoe, or special fragrance, make your mark. Let everyone know there is something special about you. Give people something to think about when you're gone.

Be flexible. I try not to plan to hard. I enjoy throwing caution to the wind sometimes. Variety is the spice of life, and we all know life does not have a script. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

Desiree Rogers Tapped to Plan White House Pary

2008-11-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

Desiree Rogers to be party planner for White House social events
Chicago businesswoman is also an Obama family friend

By John McCormick

Tribune reporter

November 25, 2008

For those clamoring for invitations to future White House functions—everything from Christmas parties to state dinners—there will be few people more important than Desiree Rogers.

The Chicago businesswoman will have major clout for such events as the next White House social secretary, an appointment President-elect Barack Obama's transition office announced Monday.

"It will probably be overwhelming, initially, as people want to get into the White House and want to be a part of all this," Rogers said. "We're not going to be able to have everyone there in the first year. . . . People are going to have to be a little patient with us."

The White House's State Dining Room, for example, can seat only 130 to 140. Many—including close friends from Chicago—are going to be turned away for some of the hottest White House tickets.

Despite the limited access to many events, Rogers said she wants to help Barack and Michelle Obama make the White House a welcoming and inspirational place.

She said she hopes the future Obama home will be a place to showcase the best the nation has to offer for arts and culture, but also be a place that highlights "great minds, great Americans and everyday Americans."

Rogers, 49, will be the first African-American to serve in the full-time position, one responsible for organizing and overseeing all White House functions and ceremonies.

She is wrapping up her duties at Allstate Insurance Co., where she was creating a financial social networking program. But she is already studying the Kennedy White House, an administration renowned for its White House functions. "This is not just going to be about the culture and the arts," she said. "Part of this is reaching out to all Americans."

The Obamas seem highly disciplined. Rogers was coy when asked whether they can also party.

"We'll see, won't we," she said. "I think the one thing that is very obvious is that they enjoy life and each other and their friends."

Rogers is a longtime friend of the Obama family, worked on the campaign's fundraising team and is especially close to Valerie Jarrett, another Obama confidant and someone who will be a senior adviser at the White House.

The former president of Peoples Gas and North Shore Gas is also on the board of trustees for both the Lincoln Park Zoo and the Museum of Science and Industry. She is part of Chicago's effort to woo the 2016 Olympics and is a former director of the Illinois Lottery.

Rogers has a Harvard MBA and was once married to millionaire Chicago financier John Rogers, the head of Ariel Capital Management and another close Obama friend and fundraiser. She has one daughter, Victoria, 18, a student at Yale University.

Rogers said she never imagined she would work in the White House.

"I am giddy with excitement. As I look at my career and the work I have done, this is the perfect combination of some of the skill sets that I have," she said. "I don't think it can get much better than this."

mccormickj@tribune.com

Copyright © 2008, Chicago Tribune

Back from Hiatus

2008-11-24T10:42:00.000-08:00

Fiiiiiiiiinally, I'm back. I've had a busy November let me tell you. Alas, the Fighting Debutante has returned, reinvigorated, excited, and delighted. Look for new posts all this week!

FD

Get First Lady Michelle Obama's Donna Ricco Dress!

2008-11-15T01:46:00.000-08:00

Not since Jackie Onassis has there been a First Lady with more style and grace as Michelle Obama. She wore this Donna Ricco sleveless banded waist short dress for an appearance on the view and turned heads everywhere. $99
Visit: www.DonnaRico.com

Why You Should Dress Your Man

2008-11-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, men are creatures of habit. If they're in a habit of dressing like a bum, unless you intervene, this habit will continue and yes, it will be a reflection of you. You can make your man a delectable piece of eye candy, and why wouldn't you? A well-dressed couple is the envy of everyone. Trust me I know. Your beau is a reflection of you. And if you he don't look good you, you don't look good, and no one will pay attention to you. Dressing well gets your freebies, a better table, and yeah, better treatment. People are intimidated by the well-dressed and coiffed. Just look at David and Victoria Beckham, the press loves them and though they slam Vikki for never smiling, she is still the talk of the town when it comes to style. And let's not forget she makes David look like a delectable sugar cookie we can't wait to devour. So yes, it's time for your man to step it up. Reactivate the swagger. Here's how to do it:

Do a wardrobe check. Throw out anything ripped, soiled, or torn. If he hasn't worn it since college, it is highly unlikely he'll wear it again. So bury it or burn it, but get it the hell outta here. Evaluate what he has and figure out what you can use and then make a list of what he needs.

Go Shopping. I tell every man I know, a great wardrobe doesn't have to be expensive. Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshalls have great clothes for men. In my opinion the men's sections are better than the womens clothes. You can find a great pair of jeans from anywhere from $19.99 to $34.99. DKNY, Phat Farm, Seven, Calvin Klein and other great brands are available at these stores. For those who don't mind dropping a few dimes on their 'drobe, try Macy's, Nordstrom, Dillards, Kenneth Cole, and Bloomingdale's men's departments. for suits I recommend the Men's Warehouse. You can a great suit there usually for around $200. For dress shirts, again I recommend Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshalls. Saks Fifth Avenue carries the pricier brands with a great selection of ties. Steer him away from the bright colored suits. Rainbow colors don't look good on most men.

Watch his feet. The wrong shoes can kill an outfit. Aldo has great shoes for men. I love browsing their styles. Every man should own dress shoes. I don't care if you never set foot in a church, a white collar job or on the red carpet, dress shoes are a requirement as far I'm concerned. The casual shoes and boots are also a necessity.

Accessorize him properly. Once you have a great outfit and shoes, you need belts, ties, a watch or two, and even a nice scarf or hat. I'm not big on men and jewelry. A ring is fine, but no bracelets, multiple rings, and hoops in his ears. Not sexy.

Find a good tailor. Not many men can wear a suit right off the rack which is why a good tailor is essential. Most local cleaners have tailors onsite, and Nordstrom will tailor your purchases for free. Even I can sew a button on, but I'll leave the hems up to the professionals. And please, please, please tell your man to cut the designer tags off the sleeve of his suit. They are NOT part of the ensemble.

All the groomed men. Should you be in doubt about how good grooming habits are essential. I do not date men who do not keep their cut. And while I don't expect him to have manicured hands, it would be nice if he kept his nails clean. Lotion, moisturizer, and cologne also go hand in hand with good grooming.

Remember ladies, men will only do what we let them. If your man looks bad, it makes you look bad. And that, it not pretty.

My Ode to the New First Lady of Style Michelle Obama!

2008-11-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

FENDI TRENCH COAT
* Cotton babydoll trench | NET-A-PORTER.COM
* $1,850.00
* net-a-porter.com

Leather Satchel, Coach Legacy Collection
* $698.00
* coach.com

Sunglasses
* $420.00
* See Instyle.com for details.

7 For all Mankind Straight leg jeans | NET-A-PORTER.COM
* 7 For all Mankind Straight leg jeans | NET-A-PORTER.COM
* 170.00 GBP
* net-a-porter.com

Banana Republic: Chunky faux-pearl necklace
* $39.00
* bananarepublic.com

Round Toe Platform Pump - Teen Clothing by Wet Seal
* $24.50
* wetseal.com

Topshop - Open Revere Jacket
* topshop.com

Obama and Biden Logo 2.25" button
* Obama and Biden Logo 2.25" button
* barackobama.com

Lanvin One-shoulder ribbon dress | Browns Fashion
* Lanvin One-shoulder ribbon dress | Browns Fashion
* brownsfashion.com

LNA Long Sleeve Deep V Tee in Black
* bunnyhug.co.uk

Bracelet SCHOOL RAG Femme-Toute la collection collection été 2008
* 3suisses.fr

Ippolita bracelet
* Ippolita fine jewelry
* ippolita.com

Dorothy Perkins - Red ruched belted dress
* dorothyperkins.com

Topshop - Square Ladderweave Scarf
* topshop.com

How to Get Promoted at Work

2008-11-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

Tired of seeing people smarter than you move up the corporate ladder? Don't sit around and wait for the bosses to recognize. You are your own best cheerleader. Get yourself promoted now.

Assess your skills. Have you learned a new software? Figured out how to raise profits? Exceeded your sales quota? Promotions are often contingent on one acquiring more knowledge in their field, in other words resume boosters. Don't be shy about showcasing your talents.

Know what you want to do. Before you go and ask for a promotion, know the job description of the position you want. Research on the Internet and talk to people in your office. No one has to know what you're doing, just be creative so you'll be prepared.

Rewrite your resume. Look at the resume you got hired and make it better. Add bullet points, skill sets, more education (if you have it), and rework your objective. In other words step your game up. Make yourself look good on paper.

Dress for the job you want. If everyone else is dressing like they're fresh out of college in your department, try upgrading yourself to a new suit or two. Follow the lead of your manager (unless of course he/she can't dress), but don't dress better than your superior. Dress as good, but create your own unique style. You'll stand out in a good way.

Take on more responsibility. Volunteer to do something that needs to be done. Don't get caught up in the "I'm doing my 8 hours" and that's it syndrome. Sticking around to offer your help gets you that much closer to your promotion.

Give yourself credit. Believing in your ability is the first step to landing a better position. Your confidence and skills will take you a long way. Celebrate your successes and learn from your failures.

OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

While I am a firm believer that whatever is meant to be will be, I am ecstatic that Barak Obama is the president elect for the United States of America!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to everyone who cast their vote, everyone who hustled and got people to the polls, I thank you. For those who want to say this is a great victory for black people, that may be true, but it is a victory for ALL people. President Obama is a genuine, intelligent, stand-up guy who can propel this country into greatness and get us back on our feet. I can't wait.

And for those of you who were ever in doubt, read Judges 4:4-6!!!

Remember tomorrow to.....

2008-11-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

Numbers Every Fabulous Woman Should Have on Her Speed Dial

2008-10-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

1. A Good Hairstylist
2. A great make-up artist.
3. A good dermatologist.
4. Your favorite salesgirl.
5. Your favorite shoe store.
6. A good caterer.
7. A great baker.
8. A good photographer.
9. A party buddy.
10. Your physician. In case God forbid, you break your ankle in those 5 inch heels!

Jennifer Hudson Loses Mom, Brother, and Nephew

2008-10-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

I respectfully ask that everyone keep Jennifer in their prayers. This is indeed a tragedy that no one should have to face.

Purple Reign: The Color of the Season!

2008-10-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

Purple Reign by prettyo73

Clockwise: Oliver Bonas coat, J.Crew Dress $180, Bebe Strapless dress $139, D&G Silk Strappy Petal Dress $295, Top, Trendy Plus Size Clothing, $29.99, belleavenue.com, Joelle dress by Malene Birger $295, my-wardrobe.com, evening dress $36.00 GBP, 3.1 Phillip Lim looped belted dress $625, Net-a-Porter.com, Mint Jodi Arnold angel sleeved dress $495, Net-a-Porter.com.

Dresses are In!!

2008-10-24T16:11:00.001-07:00

10 Ways to Step Your Wardrobe Game Up!

2008-10-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

Feeling like you are less than fabulous? It's time for an intervention. Don't worry, nobody's gonna beat your door down or push a camera in your face while they make embarrassing comments about you. You can intervene on your own behalf and upgrade your look with the following tips!

1. Read all the fashion magazines and start a "look book". A look book features tear sheets from your favorite magazines with looks that you would like to wear or recreate. My magazine recommendations: Harpers Bazaar, InStyle, People StyleWatch, Lucky, Elle, Essence, and Vogue.

2. Stop buying articles that don't make sense. When you choose random items instead of items that go with what you already have, you are wasting money. Use the items in your wardrobe that are already fabulous, and coordinate them with other items you find. Unless you've lost weight, it's highly unlikely that you will need an entirely new wardrobe.

3. Accessorize properly. Bold jewelry is in now. Statement necklaces and bangles can be used to accent any outfit. Mix and match them with different outfits. A huge cocktail ring on one hand is very chic. For great jewelry check out Kenneth Jay Lane, Aldo Accessories, Forever Love, and Vivre.com

4. Bag it! A great handbag is essential for day-to-day wear, but it can also make or break an outfit. if you can't afford the designer ones, you an find similar bags (not knock-offs) in less expensive versions in department stores and online. Baghaus.com has great bags that are similar to designer ones.

5. Be prepared to take a look from day to night with a simple change. I try to dress for the just-in-case situations on a daily basis. Meaning, what I wear to work, should be able to take me to a party or dinner at night. Sometimes I even keep extra shoes or shirts in my car! Keeping that in mind, figure out what you can tuck inside your trunk!

6. Know your sizes, but know all designers are not the same. While I'm a 2 in Bebe, I'm a 6 in Nicole Miller dresses, go figure. If you're unsure about whether or not an outfit will fit, try it on for size!

7. Never be afraid to experiment with different looks. While traditionally I'm minimalist, I also love glamorous looks and I'll even slide in a twinge of Boho. Fashion has no rules, but DON'T go overboard!

8. Get a great cut. This not applies to clothes but to hair as well. Find a hairstyle that complements you but doesn't define you. In other words, you should be your hair not the other way around. Own your look and work it.

10 Reasons Why You Should Dress Better

2008-10-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

1. Because you'll intimidate people, and that can work to your advantage.
2. You'll make people think you're rich even if you're not.
3. People will envy you.
4. People will want to be like you.
5. People will compliment you until you get sick of hearing them.
6. People will want to know where you got your outfit from.
7. You make them want to step their 'drobe game up.

8. When you look good, you feel good.
9. It keeps the losers at bay. Certain types of people will not approach you if they think you're out of their league.
10. Looks can kill.

How to Select & Wear a Fragance

2008-10-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

1. Follow Your Nose. I never buy a fragrance based on who it's made by or who endorses it. I let my nose to the talking. While I've been partial to Ralph Lauren fragrances for the last 10 years (Romance, Glamorous, Polo Sport for Women), it's maybe because his scents are light and fresh. But I also love Stella McCartney's signature perfume as well as Calvin Klein's Eternity, Obession Night, Eternity Moment, and Euphoria. And I'm not opposed to classic's like Estee Lauder's Beautiful and my Chanel Chance. I buy what I like pure and simple. And while some people just go with whatever is hot at the moment, my choices are based solely on whatever I'm feeling at the moment.

2. Know what works for you. If you wear a scent and people turn their nose up when you walk by, perhaps that fragrance doesn't mix with your body's chemistry. Select another. I had to stop wearing one of my favorite scents because someone I worked for couldn't bear it. She was allergic, and got sniffly every time I entered the room. Well, I'm since been far removed from her sensitive nose and continue to wear my Burberry London with pride. That said, fragrances smell different on different people. What may be good for the goose...well you know the rest.

3. Go easy. Never douse yourself with perfume. That's what pleasure points (tee-hee) are for. In other words, put the scent where you may want to be kissed. Behind the ears, the wrists, the neck, and behind the knees are the best places to put a fragrance. As you wear it the scent will rise, so spraying it on the knees is actually quite effective. You want to enchant, not overload. And if someone can smell your perfume when you're clearly out of sight, you've put on too much.

4. Have a signature scent, but keep a stable of fragrances. I can't count how many fragrances I have, guessing wildly, maybe 30 or more. I like to change it up a bit. some fragrances are better suited for evening, others for daytime. Having an arsenal of fragrances can prepare you for anything. After all, no two days are ever the same.

How to Live Rich

2008-10-18T18:54:00.001-07:00

Just because you aren't a millionaire, doesn't mean you can't live like one. The rich are rich because they know how to make money, keep money, and use their credit. Investing in yourself first is they key to living a life of luxury.

Save your money. If you're working, try and save 10% of your income from every paycheck. The current economy is in chaos but if you can't save 10%, shoot for five. Put it in a savings account or a high-yield money market account that you don't have access to.

Buy designer at a discount. Thanks to Bluefly, Eluxury, and Overstock, designer clothes don't have to come with a designer price tag. With savings of up to 70% off or more, wearing designer clothes won't break the bank. Invest in key pieces for your wardrobe, such as a fabulous cashmere coat, a structured black suit, or a pair of killer designer heels for a fraction of the cost.

Decorate like a designer. Interior designers find things for your home and mark them up as much as 30%. Cutting out the middleman by scouring local furniture stores, online sales, outlets, and flea markets will help your turn your house into a home. Great stores like West Elm, Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, and Ikea have reasonably priced statement pieces you can make your own with the right accessories.

Avoid falling victim to the new electronics. Electronic gadgets drop in price every three months, wait until then before you make a purchase. Every other week there's a new cell phone and I'll be damned if I don't want the next best thing. But for now, I'll just stick to my pink Palm Centro thank you very much.

Don't lease your car unless you plan to get rid of it within two or three years. Cars usually lose 30% of their retail value during the first year. Buying the car outright will save you a ton of money.

Pay bills on time. Paying your bills on time will increase your credit rating, pure and simple. Paying bills like rent/mortgage, utilities, and car payments should take priority over everything else.

Schoomze with high-society. Volunteer for an organization that donates to charity. You can usually attend their galas for free and you never know who you might meet. A lot of up and comers make connections this way.

Give freely. Good karma will come back to you. Sometimes the smallest dose of generosity can enable you to reap huge benefits.

Lastly, never apologize for wanting to be rich or successful. Ambition is sexy, poverty is for the lazy folks. Go after your dreams full speed ahead.

Make Your Own Luck

2008-10-15T14:26:00.001-07:00

Too many times we complain about things not happening for us. We what we want, but we don't want to do what it takes to get it. If you want riches, luxury, a new job, a new love? What are you doing to get it. Things don't just all into your lap, you have to be proactive. Learn to use your connections and resources, in other words those famous six degrees of separation.

If you have a friend who may have a connection to something you want, ask for their help and offer them something in return. Offer to scratch their back, if they are a true friend, they will scratch yours. True friends are honest, respectful, and loyal. If your friends don't have the characteristics, they are not your friends. Don't make excuses for people who do not treat you with the same love and respect you give them. Friends help friends!

Tired of being stuck in dead-end job? Revamp your resume. To do this simply make a list of the things you've learned since the last time you used your resume to get a job and improvise. Sometimes we acquire skills we didn't even know we had and before long, we're using them so often, it becomes routine. That's a skill! Add it to your skill-set. Have you learned a new software just by playing around with it, well you have knowledge of it and it can go on your resume. Most jobs train you anyway, so there's nothing wrong with creative embellishment.

Are you dateless? Get off the couch!! You are not going to meet someone by sitting in the house. Frequent local hotspots like Starbucks, the gym, or book store to meet people. Get out as much as possible but it doesn't have to be to a club. You can meet people for free by simply walking inside a building. I've found that the local grocery store is a hot spot sometimes for attractive people. Be friendly and open-minded. Strike up a conversation. It won't kill you, I promise.

Get over your fears. If you're shy or anti-social, try and relax a bit before you talk to people. Some people may be just as shy as you. But someone has to break the ice. Find a common bond and take it from there.

There's a lot of ways to get what you want, it's all about how you get it. Positive attitudes make positive things happen. Your attitude determines your altitude and your attitude is everything for success!

5 Types of Men to Avoid!

2008-10-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

The Liar a.k.a The Con Man: His approach is smoother than silk but he is no good for you. He will appear to be everything you need but in reality he is the man you need to stay away from. Con Men are hard to spot because they are too good to be true sometimes. They are skilled at wooing, but many of them are broke and on the come up. They want nothing more than money from you. This man has serious psychological and trust issues which is why he goes from woman to woman.

The Serial Baby Daddy: One kid is fine, two is grand, but three, four or five kids and he's never been married? This man is a climax away from trouble. It's clear he's somewhat careless and sure it's honorable if he's taking care of his children, however, one should head the warning signs.

Mr. Selfish: Everything is all about him. He wants what he wants when he wants it. There's never room for negotiation. He's always trying to get you to change your plans, your mind, your tastes--you get the picture.

The Mama's Boy: No one is ever gonna compare to his mama. He runs to her for everything, he takes her advice, goes by for home-cooked meals, can't make a move without her. Trouble is, you can't get a word in. If you want to make it work, you'll have to wean him off mama's boobs, but then, who wants to be with someone they have to wean?

The Tyrant: Mood swings, bad attitudes, outbursts, and arguments, this man knows no limits. What's scarier than he behavior is his ability to go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in 30 seconds flat.

How to Save on Designer Clothes

2008-10-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

Just because you aren't a millionaire doesn't mean you can't look like a million bucks. Smart women know that the key to looking fabulous isn't about how much money you spend; it's all about how you spend it. From childhood I mastered the ins and outs of savvy shopping thanks to my mother and grandmother. Both women inconspicuously guided me in the ways and means of bargain hunting for the glamor gal. Armed with those skills and my wallet in tow, I have managed to come up on some fabulous designer deals and non-fabulous prices. Here's a few tips to help you do the same:

Shop Sales. Of course this is obvious, but there is an art to shopping sales. A sale is a sale is a sale, but being in the loop at your favorite store or boutique can give you a heads up on upcoming sales and discount opportunities.

Read the fashion magazines. Elle, Vogue, Lucky, InStyle, Marie Claire and People StyleWatch. Nearly all these magazines advertise special events or special discount opportunities, many of them online. Lucy Magazine usually features monthly discounts in each issue for readers with select retailers. I highly recommend getting a subscription to the magazine. Magazines also come in handy for knowing what's hot and what's not. I have binders with tear sheets from my favorite magazines for putting together looks. It's fun and a great way to plan your wardrobe. Other fun magazines to check out, the celebrity tabloids: Us Weekly, Life & Style, and OK.

Get on the list. Many local boutiques offer customer discounts and have mailing lists for their sales. Getting to know the store staff at your favorite boutiques puts you in the know. You'll also be invited to events that the stores may host.

Get the Card. If you don't mind paying the monthly bill, apply for a credit card at your favorite store. Bloomingdale's, Saks, Macy's and Neiman's all have great designer clothes. They also have rewards and huge discounts for cardholders.

Befriend a stylist. Having friends in high places can work to your advantage. I have a friend who is a stylist and connections for getting great clothes. If you know someone like this, tell them you want the hook-up!

Visit the discount retailers. Stores like Loehmanns, Off Fifth (Saks Fifth Avenue's Outlet), and Last Call (Neiman Marcus' Outlet) have great stuff at huge discount prices. I love Off Fifth, you can find great brands like Louboutin, Prada, and Versace here, and the shoes department is fabulous. Loehmanns features very high end brand name clothing for up to 70% off.

Know when a deal is a deal. If you're in a store and you find a designer item that retails for $1500 but it's $500 in the store, yes, that's a deal. Buy it, own it, love it. Some things are just too good to pass up!

Shop Online. Online shopping is one of the best ways to get designer deals. With websites. Some of the best sites like Eluxury and Bluefly can save you up to 80% off. Other great sites: www.HauteLook.com, www.DesignerApparel.com, and www.Shopbop.com, and www.Ideeli.com.

Join the Club. I joined Top Button.com a few years ago and since have been invited to several private sales, sample sales, and events. My club Shopgirls also consisted of buyers and fashionistas who networked. We had a variety of activities centered around shopping.

Don't feel like you have to miss out on designer clothes because you don't have the budget. Follow these tips and you can and will be fabulous!

If You Want to Find the One, Leave the Zeros Alone

2008-10-10T11:23:00.002-07:00

Ah...love and marriage. Most of girls want it. To be head over heels in love with Mr. Right is a dream come true. So why do waste our time with men we know aren't right for us? Is it just to say you have someone? Because we have LSE (low self-esteem) or is it just to past the time? Too many times we ignore our sixth sense because we fear being alone or not having a date for the company Christmas party. But why bother checking for the zeros when we know they have nothing to offer? Some zeros come disguised as ones. They woo us, do us, then disappear without a trace. And the worst kind is the almost-husband, the one who goes a long for as long as he can and then when he realizes that marriage is the next step, he bolts. It could be fear, it could be because he's a jerk, or it could be because you are not the one for him. We have to be savvier when it comes to men. There is nothing wrong with dating like one either, meaning, don't put all your shrimp in one basket. Enjoy the buffet and try a little bit of everything.

It is a fact that it is easier for a man to get married than it is for a woman, particularly in the late 20s and the 30s. Why? Because there are less men to marry and more women who want to get married. A man can fall off the turnip truck, say he wants to settle down, and bam, a month later he's engaged or married. Meanwhile, one single woman is off the market, and 20 more come to replace her.

Be sure you are your best you that you can be. Like attracts alike. If you want a husband, act like a wife. Know how to cook, clean, and heat it up in rooms other than the kitchen. It is a fact that men require sex as a part of their livelihood, and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't use sex as weapon either. Holding out on sex with a man you love is silly and immature. Don't nag him, complain that he doesn't make enough money, or criticize his bad habits. You can make suggestions, however, don't turn something small into something big for no reason. Keep yourself up after you've landed your catch. Don't start falling off in your appearance because let me tell you that is the quickest way to turn a man off. In other words, don't get too comfortable. And he should respond in kind, making sure he's on point at all times. Lastly, always be supportive, even if you think his idea or goal is silly. If he makes it or breaks it, at least he can say, my woman was there through it all.

How do you know if a man is the one? When he's the one, it's right. They'll be little drama if there is any at all. You won't have to go out of your way to be with him because he will want to be with you. He will not ask you to take care of him. He will not ask you to do anything that he would not do for you. He will be a gentleman. He will hold your hand and offer his shoulder when you need it. He will not criticize you. He will offer his advice and his help if you need it. He will call you just to hear your voice. He will give you flowers just because. He will be proud to show you off to his family and friends. He will defend you and be down like four flat tires. He will marry you and you will work it out no matter what.

Don't be fooled by the zeros pretending to be heroes. They are smooth in their approach, but like a knock-off handbag, their flaws will always shine through.

(Photo by Robert Glenn)

How to Throw a Fabulous Party

2008-10-09T00:23:00.000-07:00

Playing hostess to at your own soiree can be thrilling. Whether it's a celebration or simply just an opportunity to have a good time, careful planning can help you pull of an envy worthy bash that will be on everyone's minds for years to come. When I hosted my fabulous Superbowl party several years ago, the vibe was so good no one wanted to go home! Here's a few tips to make your next bash a success:

1. Select a Theme. Do you want a summer social, a backyard country fete, a glitz and glamorous cocktail party, or sexy salsa themed bash? Having a theme can help you with selecting music, food, and drinks. Make your theme fun and exciting or center it around an event like the Oscars, or a movie premiere. For decor, unless it's a huge theme party, keep it simple. A few accent lights or candles can set a mood better than any old balloon can.

2. Invite 50 of the most fabulous people you know. Guests are the key to your party success. The right mix of people can turn a room into an event, so be sure to mix it up. A great party is like a salad, just plain lettuce is boring, throw in some cucumbers, tomatoes, and cheese, and you've got a meal! Call or email your guests if your party is impromptu. Word of mouth is the best PR no money can buy!

3. Create Your Playlist. Thank God for I-pods. Thanks to the folks at Apple, we can now create playlists that go on forever for just about any event. Whether your playlist is soul, pop, rock, Latin, or R&B, keep the music light, upbeat, and continuous. Music always sets the mood.

4. Choose a signature drink. If you want to be extra special, create a concoction of your favorite liquor for your guests. Name if after you, name it after your mood, just be creative and keep the drinks flowing. If you plan to serve mixed drinks, be sure your bar is well-stocked, and well watched.

5. Keep the food light. It's a party after all, not a dinner (unless it is a dinner party), so give your guests something to nibble on but don't weigh them down with food. Choose light hors'deouvres and finger food that be consumed quickly.

6. Give yourself some space and keep it clean. Be sure your home has ample moving room. You want guests to be able to maneuver without bumping into something (bumping into someone is ok). Move any awkward furniture to allow guests to get to the bar and food areas. Place valuable houseware items in a locked bedroom to keep them from getting broken. Be sure your rest room is clean and has plenty of toilet paper and guest towels.

7. Know when to call it a night. Sometimes parties can last until the wee hours of the morning but if you would actually like to make it to bed, set a time for when your bash will end. Give guests a parting gift such as a gift bad or memento, and thank them for coming. Otherwise you may find some guests will never leave!

8. Enjoy yourself. It's a party after all. If you need help, ask your friends and family to play co-host. Be sure they know where everything is and keep them informed about what's going on. Establishing the rules beforehand will prevent problems. But don't forget to have a good time!

Planning a party isn't rocket science. It's all about the people, the drinks, the music, and the memories.

Men Don't Marry Hoochies!

2008-10-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend of mine about marriage and relationships. He expressed his frustration about how delusional some females are when it comes to men. He on all accounts has had more than his fare share of women and is seeing a young lady who is on her way to becoming a physician. She is probably one of the only women he has dated that I actually like.

At any rate, he said, "Buffy the Body will never get married. She looks like sex." And went on to say that while men will entertain the ghetto divas and even sleep with them, when it comes to settling down, they are far from marriage material. Look at Luke, the biggest player of them all, Mr. Pop That Coochie himself married a cool, calm, collected lawyer named Kristin Thompson. Kristin is not some big booty, weave wearing, coochie poppin' chick from the hood, she's an intelligent, educated woman who looks more like a soccer mom than the wife of Mr. Doo Doo Brown.

Women need to understand, yes, you can get a man with your body, but you heart and mind will keep him. No man wants to be thought of as an "opportunity", and a lot of younger women in particular have that misconception. They think that being loud, sexy, and vulgar will get the man. Yeah, it'll get a man, but it may not be the kind you want. Men are visual, so indeed they are going to look at your behind if it's big, your breasts if they're sticking out, and anything else you want to display. But the infatuation with your looks isn't going to last long (unless the man is insecure or shallow) and eventually he'll get bored with you.

Men love to be stimulated mentally and physically. A women who is smart and sexy gives them a rush like no other. Even if they complain (like they do), most would rather have a good argument and make love to you afterward. Men want to know how we feel and what we think, it's all in the approach. And of course men want to feel needed. It lets them know we actually care about them. (LOL) As if all we do isn't enough already.

Being a simple bish is not cute. Drinking, smoking, and being loud will not get you anywhere. Beauty, brains, and subtle sexiness will. Having an opinion matters. And while you may not need to know how to cook, you should offer some food for thought.

Tyler Perry Makes History; But Doesn't Want to Pay "Payne" Writers

2008-10-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, you are about to make me ban you. On one hand you are making exceptional progress in the world of entertainment by being the first African-American ever to open your own film and television studio this weekend, and on the other you fire the writers from your #1 cable show who got you there in the first place. Excuse me while I have a Madea moment, but Tyler WTF is wrong with you?? Do you know that writers live to be in the WGA, get paid residuals and receive benefits for all their hard work?

Without writers there is no Hollywood. We make it happen. We put the words on paper for you to use to direct, produce, and make your millions of dollars. And Tyler, have you forgotten you ARE a writer, or have you gotten so big-headed that your have forgotten that fact.

I am unimpressed with you at this moment and if you don't make this "write" I will never spend another dime on a Tyler Perry flick again. I already don't watch the House of Payne, so don't give me another reason to not support you. You are turning a lot of people off with this behavior. Wrong is wrong no matter how you slice it.

My New Dinner-Date Night Outfit

2008-10-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

Dress by Elizabeth & James $365

L.A.M.B Fen Pump - $395

When it Comes to Luxury, Do You Get What You Pay For?

2008-10-03T20:48:00.001-07:00

Cheap shoes? I think not. You won't catch this debutante in Payless Shoes, sorry guys no offense, but your cheap shoes do not go well with my feet. I'm partial to certain brands, Nine West, Aldo, Louboutin, Enzo, Tahari, BCBG, and Lamb, I could go on, but you get the picture. Cheap shoes ALWAYS look cheap. No matter how you try to dress them "up" or down in most cases, they just don't look expensive enough. Cheap shoes can kill an outfit, just like a bad haircut.

Creme de la Mer costs $130.00 for 1 oz. My St. Ives Collagen Elastin Moisturizer, which I have been using since junior high, costs about $6. A manicure and pedicure may cost $30 at your local corner nail salon, at Bellacures, La Vie L'Orange or the Paint Shop in Beverly Hills, a mani-pedi may run you $50 and up. But those nail spas mentioned also have great environments, cushy chairs, personal foot bowls (not the noisy automated ones), and tea or coffee. You pay for the luxurious environment.

With hair products you may find it's easier to go down to your local Walgreens and buy some shampoo, but sometimes investing in the more pricey brands, can be beneficial to your hair. I'm a fan of Oscar Blandi, Mizani, Nioxin, and a few other brands that cannot be bought at your corner drug store.

I am partial to OPI and Essie nail polish? Why? Because when I used to buy other brands from grocery stores and drugstores, they didn't last as long. After a visit to Jin Soon Hand and Foot Spa in New York, I became partial to Essie. I had a manicure there and the manicurist painted my nails in a neutral color from Essie's collection. The color lasted more than a week. It was great. So, yes, I'll pay a few more dollars for the nail polish because I like it.

With furniture, some things can be bought cheap. For example, Ikea has some great desks, bookshelves, and storage units, however, some pieces are not worth their money. Especially when you have to put them together from directions with no written instructions. You can find luxury items for your home at stores like West Elm, Crate & Barrel, or even your local furniture store. They key is to find out if it works for you. Some things may be cheap, but well made. Those are the hidden jewels.

Ah luxury, can you afford not to pay for it?

What is With These Grown Men Dressing Like Teenagers?

2008-09-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles is a funny town. I swear I can't count how many times a day I see grown men walking around in tee shirts, shorts, tennis shoes and jerseys. It's almost as though I've regressed back to junior high or high school. These dudes look like fools, and I'm even more bothered when I see some woman with them who looks just as bad. I was in a restaurant where this guy had his pants hanging so low, he had to walk like a bow and arrow to keep them up, bending his knees every few steps just to make sure his pants didn't fall down to his ankles. It was pathetic. Why this seems to be so popular in Los Angeles, I'm not sure. I think it's due to the gang culture and these O.G. triple O.G.'s feel that it's some sort of status symbol to continue to dress like they're starting riots back in '93. I had someone close to me get very upset when I pointed out some flaws in his attire. He's over 35, so I tried to explain to him he looks silly walking around in jeans with thirty different colors, a huge belt buckle, and tennis shoes. No boo, try again. Ladies we have failed and have let these men think that this is okay. It is not okay. It is pathetic. There's rules to this, I wrote me a manual. Get it together fellas. Pull your damn pants up!!

The Starbucks Theory

2008-09-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

I never bought into the idea of sitting up in Starbucks with my laptop, but Saturday I did it for the first time. Surprisingly amidst the chaos of a chess competition, loud jazz music, and middle-aged cigar smokers, I managed to get 10 pages of my spec done. It's the most of a spec I've done in one sitting. Usually when I'm at home, it's hard for me to concentrate because of other distractions like the dog, the loud a$$ neighbors, the TV, LAPD's finest circling the neighborhood in helicopters, and the guys down the street who have to let everyone know they have dual-exhaust on their old school El Camino's. That's what I get for moving to L.A.

Starbucks provided a weird solace and a hard chair that made me focus on the screen in front of me. Armed with the pilot script of the show I'm doing the spec for, I managed to use the outline I wrote at home to spit out 10 pages of a draft. Now here it is Monday morning, and I'm sitting in another Starbucks preparing to do the same thing. I have one more week before I go back to work so I plan to use Starbucks as boot camp and get this draft done.

I'm not sure if it's just the idea or simply the change of environment that sparked my "pen" but whatever it is, it worked. I just might have found a new home. LOL Now, excuse me while I write, I've got TV money to make.

Love Letters....

2008-09-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

Emails, faxes, texts, does anybody write love letters anymore...

Here's the infamous love letter from which Big quoted to Carrie in the Sex & the City movie. Romantic.

Beethoven - Love Letters of Great Men
Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Everything Happens for a Reason

2008-09-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

I believe that there are no accidents and timing is everything. In a split second, something can change your life, make you go left or right. People often come into our lives for a period of time to show us things, sometimes they return, sometimes they do not. You may find yourself in a job you hate for a short period of time where you meet someone who could change your life. You could be anywhere, a hospital, a pharmacy, a bank, standing in line at the post office.

Ironically today, I met someone who happens to have a connection to a particular TV show I want to write for. He was standing behind me in line. He started talking to me about my tattoo. We chatted and low and behold got on the subject of working in entertainment. He works for a studio and his girlfriend works for a show which incidentally is filmed where I work--a show I want to write for. Now what were the chances of us meeting. I guess If I had entered the parking lot from a different angle, and gone in a second later, I wouldn't have been in front of him, he never would have seen my tattoo, and we never would've had our conversation.

Well, my new friend has invited me to a networking event next week where I hope to meet other like minded people. I am a writer first and foremost. It is me 24-hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I love writing drama, comedy is too rehearsed for me. I'm funny by nature but putting it on paper is such a cliche. To write for TV is my dream job, so that said, the lesson today is, pay attention to everyone you meet, and every place you go. You never know what will happen. I'll keep you posted.

I Say Less Rent & More Pay in a Recession

2008-09-23T11:26:00.000-07:00

If America wants to do something for it's people, lower rent, and increase pay. For those of us who live in a big city like Los Angeles or New York where the rent is astronomical for a piece of nothing, during these trying times, why not lower the rent. Most of these property owners have made their money, and if they maintained their properties over the year, there wouldn't be a need to invest tons of money to repair things. California has some of the lousiest landlords on the planet. In Los Angeles, if you find a halfway decent apartment in a halfway decent neighborhood, your are going to pay a pretty penny for it. You may get 700 square feet and your rent will be $1200, absurd. Especially when there is no air conditioning, no washer & dryer or washer and dryer connections, no patio or balcony, and no covered parking. It's insanity. And I ask myself, why am I not luxuriating in my 2 bedroom 2 bathroom, 950 plus square feet condo in Texas? Because I decided to try my hand at this Hollywood thing, so here I am, living in a beer can with champagne rent. Go figure.

How to Choose the Right Handbag

2008-09-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

Choose versatility. If you lead an active lifestyle socially or professionally, you need a handbag to take you from day to night with ease. Select a bag that offers flexibility and style.
Choose luxury. A designer handbag may be worth the investment. Owning a piece of luxury can last you several years if you take care of it. I have Louis Vuitton bags that I have owned for more than a decade. Invest wisely and you'll get a lot of miles out of your handbag.
Choose style. What is it about your handbag that stands out? A great bag will look good with just about anything. A great bag is a conversation piece that will have strangers walking up to you with adoring looks. A great handbag will help establish you as a style goddess and set you apart from the rest.
Choose the right size. Does your handbag have enough room for your wallet, make-up, and day planner? Make sure your bag holds everything you need, but don't bog yourself down with unnecessary items. Only carry what you need.

Life & Music

2008-09-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

During my post myomectomy recovery, I have been listening to music throughout the day. I thought about how a certain song can bring back so many memories or evoke emotions. There are certain songs I listen to that can still get me teary-eyed no matter how long it's been since I've heard them. What is it about music that does that? It's almost like the artist is listening to your soul at the very moment they record the song, and somehow when it's released, it finds a away to hit you at the right time. It's crazy sometimes, because no matter how old a person is, if they hear a song that meant something to them, they can tell you exactly what they were doing or going through at the time the song was released. I remember in 1994 when Mary J. Blige's My Life Album came out, I thought she had been reading my mind. I played that album every day all day, and I could relate to just about every single song on the album. I booted up my Itunes this morning and played it and it took me back to 1994. Sometimes we need to revisit the past to help us get to where we're going in the future. I needed to go back in time for a moment...I advise you to do the same.

The Pencil Skirt: Always on Point

2008-09-20T15:13:00.001-07:00

If there is one item that more versatile in my closet than my little black dress, it's my little black pencil skirt. Pencil skirts can be paired with just about anything, a fitted white tee, a ruffled blouse, a sweater, or a leather jacket. Pencil skirts are chic and elegant and can complement any frame. Invest in one or two and see how many looks you get out of them!

I'm Fibroid Free Thanks to My Myomectomy

2008-09-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

Wednesday morning, after waiting for another hour after my scheduled surgery time, I went under for my myomectomy. I've been diagnosed with them since 2001. Over the years they went from 2 centimeters to 6! So, after having them monitored over the last several years, I decided to just to it. Unlike a hysterectomy, a myomectomy saves your uterus so that you can have children. Uterine fibroids are common minorities, particularly African-American women. They feed off of estrogen, found in most birth control pills. Could they be the cause? Not necessarily but they do make them grow.

After they wheeled me to the room for surgery, all I remember is the anesthesiologist saying, "I'm going to give you something to relax you." Then a couple of hours later, I woke up in a comfortable hospital bed. I had been having severe trouble with fibroids for some time, but thanks to my doctor, I am fibroid free. He removed 15 (yes fifteen) fibroids, including one that was hiding out in my uterine cavity. I am relieved. Once I'm out of the hospital, I begin my reinvention!! I would upload the pics, but I don't think anybody wants to see those big masses of tissue, right?

Lemon Drop Cocktail

2008-09-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

Lemon Drop
Ingredients:
- Citrus flavored vodka
- Lemon
- Lemon & Sugar on the side
- Glassware: Shot Glass

Making multiple shots:
If a shot glass holds 3 ounces when making 4 shots, the total amount of mixture in a cocktail shaker should be 12 ounces. (3 glasses x 4 drinks = 12 ounces). If a cocktail contains three ingredients, pour one ounce of each ingredient. Pour the mixture into each shot glass equally.

Interior Decorating for the Stylish Woman

2008-09-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

A wise woman once said, "Your home is a reflection of you." Look around your room, what does it say about you? Is it neat? Is it pretty? Is it comfortable? Your home should be a place where you can go to unwind and enjoy the life's simple pleasures. Here's a few tips for making your place more inviting.

1. Add Color. Choose a color theme for each room. If you can't paint the walls because you rent, use accent pillows or rugs to add a dose of color to the room. Using several shades of the same color family can create a delightful contrast.

2. Center your room around one piece of furniture. Never buy all of your furniture from one store. Select one piece and build the room around it. My florist has a great red bookcase from Ikea she paid $279 for (see picture). Buying a statement piece can give your room a unique look.

3. Hide flaws. Rugs can cover an ugly floor. A hanging picture can hide a bruised wall, a new finish on furniture, or a coat of paint on the wall can make an old room look new. Be creative and reinvent what you already have.

4. Accessorize your room like you would an outfit. Adding pieces such as a huge vase, a unique end table, a heirloom lamp, a rug, or custom painting give a drab room flavor.

5. Don't overcrowd the living room. You don't want your place to look like a furniture store. Leave plenty of room in between furniture. You don't want anyone injuring themselves because your furniture is too close together. Opt for a sofa, a chic sectional, or a nice chaise and a small chair if you're limited on space. Choose multifunctional furniture for versatility.

6. Give your bedroom five star treatment. Your bedroom should be luxurious. Even though you may not spend a lot of time there, when you do, you want to enjoy it. Bedside tables, fluffy pillows, subtle lighting, and luxe linens can do the trick. I bought 300 thread-count sheets at Bed, Bath & Beyond and I can tell the difference between them and sheets with the lower thread count. For deals on sheets, try TJ Maxx stores or Anna's Linens. Ross may also have some great deals too.

7. Invest in candles or reed diffusers to make your home smell nice. They are inexpensive and eco-friendly.

8. Keep your bathroom clean and organized. There's nothing worse than a filthy bathroom. Keep yours clean and organized. If you're limited on space, use shelving units or containers to hold cosmetics.

9. Remember less is more and luxury does not have to cost a fortune. Invest in key pieces and use ad-ons to add your own special touch.

10. Shop smart. Bed Bath & Beyond and Linens & Things have coupons (and you can use either stores coupons at the other store. Target also has great items for the home and decent furniture. Ikea has great pieces for folks on a budget.

Store Recommendations:
Bed Bath & Beyond
JC Penney
TJ Maxx
Anna's Linens
Macy's
Target
Pier One
Z Gallerie
Pottery Barn
Crate & Barrel

10 Style Tips for Fabulous Women...And Those Who Aspire to Be

2008-09-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

1. Dress for the woman you want to be. Not quite where you want to be in your career? Missing Mr. Right? Well look the part and all good things will come. Play up your assets and invest in a quality wardrobe that sets you apart from the rest. You don't have to be a millionaire to dress like one. Develop your own personal style just like Jackie O did and Michelle Obama has.

2. Don't be a label whore. No one can see them anyway. If all you care about is labels, you have a pretty shallow existence. Buy what fits, what works, and what you can afford. Leave logos limited to one item, and if you simply must buy designer, by all means do so. But don't get mad when you see it for half the price on the rack at Off Fifth. Exercise good judgment when you're shopping.

3. Invest in a good shoes and a killer handbag. Some handbags (i.e. Louis Vuitton Speedy, the Birkin) are timeless classics. Not everyone can afford or even likes those bags, but you should own one killer bag at least once in your life. Buy quality or quantity but for tooling around town, a nice cheap bag will do. Try Baghaus (www.baghaus.com) for similar celeb styles.

4. Keep up appearances. Never get caught with a scarf on your head. Try to get your hair done as often as possible. If all else fails, pull it into a ponytail. If you have a short cut, keep it maintained because fuzz is not cute. A nice mani-pedi will keep those hands and tootsies in order too. Acrylic is a little played in 2008 so if you need to grow your nails, pop a biotin vitamin and keep it movin'.

5. Choose the right accessories. Buy jewelry, tons of it, lots of it, boats of it. Jewelry can make one outfit into 1000 outfits. Add a different bag or different shoes and you're in business. Invest in clutches brooches, statement necklaces, bangles, everything. Change up your looks with accessories, they are a Godsend times ten.

6. Stop making excuses about your weight. Everyone is not made to be a 2, 4, or 6. If your weight is making you unhappy, put the cake down and do something about it. you can enjoy the benefits of a gym with no membership fees by walking around the block in your neighborhood. Plug in those I-Pod headphones and zone out. Before you know it, you may drop a size or two.

7. No one wants to see your gut or butt. If I see one more woman with a extra medium tee-short on when she knows she needs a XL, I'm going to scream. No one wants to see your stretch marks, tattoos, fat, or any other gut lesions. Pull your shirt down please!! There's kids in here. And the cleavage (butt or breasts), if you can sit a plate on it, it's too much.

8. Learn to walk in heels. Flats are not sexy. If you aren't good at heel-walking, practice in your garage, hallway, or on the bathroom floor. Two inches is the minimum to qualify as a heel. Every woman should own at least 3 pair.

9. Keep your house clean and learn how to cook. There's nothing worse than a trifling woman my Paw-Paw used to say. I live by that and I detest triflingness. Who wants to see all your clothes sprawled on the living room floor or dirty dishes in the sink? In the bathroom unplug the curling iron after you use it, wrap it in a towel, and put it away. Guests should not be worrying about electrocuting themselves when they visit. Hamburger helper is not cooking. It's browning meat, adding water, and boiling. Cooking requires more than one pot and utensil.

10. Know how to take a compliment and know how to give one. There is nothing wrong acknowledging something you like. It's graceful.

Meet Market: Where & How to Meet Men

2008-09-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

Forget about listening to your bitter girlfriends who declare all men are dogs, married, or gay. Quite the contrary, there are a lot of available men just dying to meet you. The key thing to remember is men are just as intimidated as we are when it comes to the approach. If you're a little nervous about approaching a guy, think of it as shopping. You browse the racks, see something you like, then you grab it (no pun intended). It's not as hard as we think, it just requires a little skill and patience.

Where to Meet Men:
The Grocery Store: I can't tell you how many men I've come across while browsing the aisles of my local grocery store. The single men almost always look lost, and they're perfect for you. Ask them if they need some help. If he declines, he may have a woman/wife, so move on. If he welcomes your assistance and strikes up a conversation, you got him.

Social Events: Not necessarily the club, but a cocktail party, a movie screening, or Superbowl party are all great places to meet men. Men are more lax in social settings. Their guard is down and they welcome the attention from females because it makes them feel special.

Coffee Houses: I don't drink coffee so I buy tea at my local Starbucks. Often times there will be guys there for the same reason you are, to meet someone. he may be reading a magazine or typing away on his laptop, but chances are you can strike up a conversation with him and find yourself with a date later that week!

The Cell Phone Store: After spending a couple of hours in the Sprint store this weekend, I realized it's a "meet market". Guys come in to pay their bills, upgrade, buy accessories, or have their phone fixed, and while they do it, seeing you there would be a nice treat. Men love to talk, so if you meet a guy here, chances are he'll have a lot to say. Smile, and take it all in. But keep the attention on him at first, you can tell him how fabulous you are later.

The Gym: I don't work out. Sue me, I'm lazy and I don't like the sweaty smell. But every once in a while I'm shallow enough to go with my sister to the gym to see the hot guys and get my flirt on. The gym will also let you know if a guy takes care of himself. The dedicated athletic types are usually in a zone when they work out. The best way to approach them is to ask for help with something.

How to Meet Men:

Dress your best. Look like something, not something that just rolled out of bed and showed up. Men are visual creatures so be a vision of loveliness.

Be friendly and smile. I used to keep a permanent frown on my face when I was much younger. It was a defense mechanism to keep people out of my face. As I got older, men would say, "You too pretty not be smiling." So I started smiling, not cheesing, just smiling. And if I don't say so myself, I have a great smile (and good teeth). Smiling makes you approachable, and men find that very attractive.

Be positive. Don't be a sistah that bashes men and blames all men for one's mistake. there are some good guys out there. Having a positive attitude will benefit you in the long run.

Compliment him. If he's wearing something you like, he smells good, or he drives a nice car, tell him. Be sincere with your compliment. Men have b.s. detectors too.

Don't move too fast. Take getting to know him slowly. Rome was not built in a day so don't start planning your wedding a week after you meet him. Savor the moment and don't expect too much. Pressuring a man before he is ready can lead to disaster.

8 Great Colognes for Your Beau

2008-09-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

I love to nuzzle in under a man's neck and inhale his scent. With these 8 fragrances, I don't mind doing it even more.

Gucci by Gucci
Dolce & Gabbana The One
Emporio Armani Diamonds for Men
Davidoff Adventure
Hilfiger
Burberry Touch for Men
Burberry Brit for Men
Rocawear 9IX (pictured)

Men We Love: 50 Cent

2008-09-15T15:46:00.000-07:00

Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson
Hails From: Jamaica Queens New York
Sign: Cancer
Why We Love Him: Because he's cocky and charming and cleans up nice.
Why We Hate Him: Because he's cocky and charming.
Well-Known Relationships: with his son's mother, Shaniqua Tompkins, Vivica Fox
Rumored Flings: Nia Long, Mya, Megan Good, Brandy, and Elise Neal.

Resume
Recording Artist:
2003-"Get Rich or Die Tryin'"
2005-"The Massacre"
2007-"Curtis"
2008-"Before I Self Destruct"

Guest Appearances-Recording Artist
2003 "Beg for Mercy" (G-Unit)
2008 "T.O.S. Terminate on Sight"

Films
2003-"50 Cent: The New Breed"
2005-"The Simpsons" - Pranksta Rap
2005-"Get Rich or Die Tryin'" as Marcus
2005-"50 Cent - Bulletproof"
2006-"Home of the Brave" as Jamal Aiken
2008-"Righteous Kill" as Spider
2009-"50 Cent: Blood on the Sand"
2009-"Streets of Blood"
2009 "Spectacular Regret"
2010-"The Dance"

Business Ventures:
G-Unit Clothing
G-Unit Records
G-Unit Publishing
Vitamin Water

Made the:
Forbes "Celebrity Top 100" List
#26 (2008)

Socially Correct: How to Handle Sticky Social Situations

2008-09-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

You arrive at a cocktail party and find another woman is wearing your dress.
Of course you'll be looking more fabulous, so if the woman with great taste in clothes comes your way, stop her and tell her you like her dress. Most likely she'll be gracious and you'll share a good laugh. If she looks at you like you're crazy and keeps walking, laugh it off and keep it moving. Grace over ignorance any day.

You are chatting with a group and someone makes a negative comment about what will happen if a black man becomes president.
Politely remind them that the country is diverse and it is ignorance that prevents our country from progressing and move away.

You're on a date with a great guy and as he leans in to kiss you, you get a dose of his hideous breath.
Smile sweetly and go for his cheek, then mention that he could use a mint or two. If it's really bad, you have to decide if you're really interested in this man. If so, you may have to hint around to him handling his halitosis issue if he wants another date.

You run into an acquaintance and they call you by another name without breaking stride they can't remember how they know you.
Say, "Hey, oh I'm__________________, we met at_____________________" and go from there. I'm bad with names but I always remember faces so if I approach someone, I ask them their name graciously and they usually don't have a problem telling me.

An attractive guy catches your eye but you don't know how to approach him.
If possible, get close to him and strike up a conversation. I've found that if a guy is already checking you out, approaching him is easy to do. He's already given you a sign he's interested, but he may be intimidated. Make him laugh. This can ease the tension in a social setting.

At your bridal shower, you open a gift from a close friend and you hate it.
No matter what, keep smiling. If it's truly bad, everyone in the room will let her know it. If she tries to justify it let her, but the chances are if everyone else hates it, she knows you do to. Hopefully, she'll get the hint and offer to buy you something else--or a gift card.

You're out to dinner with your man and while you're seated at the table, the woman next to you is talking loudly on her cell phone.
We all know some people are just plain rude so you have to be careful how you approach them. Give her "the look" first. What's the look? The expression on your face when you show you're clearly irritated but it isn't obvious. Cut your eyes a bit, keep your lips press together, and let your nose flare. (Sounds crazy but it works) If she doesn't get it, ask politely to tone it down, or if you're a little scared, ask the waiter. If she continues, ask to be moved. Who needs all the drama.

You show up at a party over/under dressed and everyone is looking at you like you took the last canape.
If you're really uncomfortable, leave and change. The first thing I ask when I receive and invite is "What's the dress code?" There's nothing worse than wearing jeans when everyone else has on dresses. Apologize to the host, hell lie if you have to about not having time to change or say you just got off an airplane.

A friend has gotten a little too tipsy and is making a fool of herself.
Take her by the hand, escort her to the restroom, and scold her like your mother would if you had broken her favorite China dish. Because the company you keep determines the trouble you meet, you don't want people thinking less of you because of your friend's behavior. While I could care less what people think, I'm not crazy enough to let someone else make me look bad.

Hidden Jewel: BrocadeHome.com

2008-09-14T02:47:00.001-07:00

I stumbled upon this site by accident while looking for a table for my living room. Started by former West Elm founder, Lisa Versacio, Brocade Home is romantic chic with a twist. In the collection you'll find deep, muted colors and collections reminiscent of your great grandmother's furniture. The site has done so well, they've temporarily stopped taking orders! Well, now you know.

10 "Beautiful" Things to Do With Vaseline

2008-09-14T02:27:00.001-07:00

1. Put it under your eyes at night as a moisturizer.
2. Rub it into your cuticles.
3. Smooth it onto your dry, chapped lips.
4. Rub it on your feet and cover them with white cotton socks.
5. Slick your hair back into a bun with it.
6. Put it on your teeth for a beautiful smile.
7. Use it as an eye make-up remover.
8. Put it on your ashy elbows and kneecaps.
9. Rub it on your hands and wrap them in plastic for an intense moisturizing treatment.

New BFF's??

2008-09-14T01:26:00.000-07:00

We're used to seeing Regina Hall or Gabrielle Union beside Sanaa Lathan, but it looks like she's traded them for her new BFF Nia Long. The two ladies attended a fundraiser for Presidential Candidate Barack Obama in Hollywood.

Do Men Send Flowers Anymore?

2008-09-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

Forget the traditional Valentine's Day bouquet. Do men send flowers at any other time? Just because? It seems that dating (courting for those born prior to 1965) has gone out the window. Why do grown men refer to spending time with a women as "kicking it"? What are we kicking?

Because I am a hopeless romantic, I refuse to believe that chivalry is dead. But I've seen it die more than once. I was out at Magic Johnson's Friday a couple of weeks ago and this couple walks up to the door. The woman stopped to open the door for the man who proceeded ahead of her WTF??? When did women start opening doors for men?? I missed that memo (thank God) and I hope I don't ever get it.

I've had to slow myself down in relationships (when I walk) because I'm always trying to "get ahead". I've had boyfriends in the past be chivalrous, and there's been some who simply don't have a clue. On a date, I'm not paying unless I asked (and I don't) because there's just some things I think a man should do. Ladies never pay. I'm not one of these modern day independent women who "don't need a man" for anything yet they will sleep with someone's boyfriend or husband without a second thought. I didn't come from the era where women go to work and men stay at home. It's just not in me to be a "Cake Mama".

In the past I've done things for boyfriends--probably too much and it wasn't appreciated. A couple did nice things for me. I've gotten clothes, money, jewelry and such, but I've given them things as well. I'm big on appearance so if I see something I think my man might look good in, I'll buy it. Chances are my tastes are better than his anyway (Sorry fellas, I'm a pro at this shopping thing) and I have yet to have anyone tell me they don't like something I bought.

And flowers? I've gotten them a few times but not as many times as I would have liked. Where are the old school GENTLEMEN? Do they exist? Do they still open car doors, pay for meals, hold your hand, and bring you soup when you're sick? Where they at. And send Cala Lillies or Tulips...Roses bore me.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Kills It!

2008-09-13T22:03:00.000-07:00

Jada-Pinkett Smith is one Bad Bish. She's come along way since her days on "A Different World", which proves that money, a rich man, and a good stylist can work wonders!

She looked absolutely gorgeous when she appeared on the David Letterman Show in NYC. Minus the ugly handbag, I'll take Jada's outfit in a size 2 please. And Bish, I'm coming for those shoes!

Looking your best can get you anything!

Bruthas Give Good Customer Service

2008-09-13T17:20:00.000-07:00

I spent the duration of my Saturday in a Sprint store with the hope of getting a wireless signal from my phone for my new laptop. After an exhausting day that started at 10:15 a.m. when I arrived at the store, I am officially glad it's over.

I made an appointment, had to wait, got deleted off the appointment list somehow, only to have to leave my computer and phone with the store. Normally I don't play when it comes to my laptop, after all, I am a writer and I have tons of files on it. God forbid anything happen to them, and yes I save them on multiple devices just in case. Aside from that, Ronnie, a handsome brutha with dreads assured me it was okay.

I returned a half hour later but they were still working on it. Another hour later, they told me the battery on my laptop had gone dead so I left the power cord with them. Another hour later, I return and Ronnie told me Tyrone would take care of me.

And he did. Because I was so patient and charming (smile), they gave me a wireless card for $50 and a free month of service. I told Tyrone I would kiss him if I could, but I hugged him instead. Oh and Troy, who was the first one to help me was great too. I'm glad they hooked me up. Now, I'm officially hooked up...now what about these bills I gotta pay...

Hudlin Gets the Boot at BET!

2008-09-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

I can't exactly say I'm surprised or upset that Reginald Hudlin, former president of BET Networks received his walking papers. BET hasn't exactly been on my hit list lately. In the last several years they managed to encourage the stereotypes that perpetuate the opinions of folks and how they view Black people--African-American for those who are politically correct.

The fact that BET refuses to include quality programming has added to my already low opinion of the network. Forgive me junior, but seeing hip-hop videos, scantily clad women, luxury cars, bling-bling and bafoonery such as that on shows like Hell Date and the now defunct Hot Ghetto Mess, do not excite me. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but even in my twenties I saw some things in the genre (hip-hop) that made me put my head down.

Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed some of the network's shows--the awards mostly, because I got a chance to see icons like James Brown, Al Green, and Chaka Khan perform. The 2005 BET Awards was my favorite, (What woman wouldn't want to see 50 Cent sweat) but seeing the operations behind the scene let me know the network is in need of some major help. TV One, a BET competitor, has realized that yes, Black people do live the good life, as captured on many of the Maryland-based network's lifestyle programs. BET is still in the dark on this, or maybe they didn't get the memo. There is more to us than jokes and b***s***.

I knew something was definitely wrong when I witnessed one of their key publicity employees confuse Derek Luke with Idris Elba. Luke was about to walk the red carpet and she instructed the host to announce him as "Derek Luke from The Wire. Derek Luke has never been on The Wire. Maybe he's seen a few episodes (lol), but he's never been on the show. How can you be in PR for a major network and not know your major artists?? I'm still baffled by that one.

BET is legendary in the sense that it was the first network for us by us. As time wares on I hope that they can put their brains together and get some quality programming on the show. We don't need us to make us look bad. We can rely on VH1 for that.

Tyler Perry Keeps on Earning with "The Family That Preys"

2008-09-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

There's one thing Tyler Perry does for sure: He keeps the black actors employed. His seventh film opens today across the nation. The story features two families; a wealthy white one, and a working class black one. Still the matriarchs of these families maintain a special friendship, in spite of the fact that their adult children have not made good judgments. Kathy Bates stars as Charlotte Cartwright, owner of a profitable construction business, and mother to William (played by Cole Hauser)who begins an affair with Andrea (Sanaa Lathan), daughter of Charlotte's friend Alice Pratt (Alfre Woodard). I can't wait to see this film and after I do, I will share my thoughts!!

Other Films Out Today: Righteous Kill starring Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino and ahem Curtis Jackson or for the hip-hoppers, better known as 50 Cent.

Update:
Now I told y'all I was gonna come back with my review of "The Family That Preys". It was hella (yeah hella) good. Tyler is honing his skills in the drama genre and this film does not disappoint. It made me think about my own family and some of the things we have endured. From generations past to present, every family has secrets...Okay, nevermind my family drama. Sanaa Lathan plays a mistress who get big bank from her white lover--and a child to go along with it. Her unsuspecting husband, Chris (Rockmond Dunbar) is a blue collar brutha blinded by with the love of his scandalous wife. Her sister, Pam (Taraji P. Henson) is a hellion who doesn't bite her tongue and protects her mother Abigail (Alice Woodard) in Ride or Die fashion. I love Abigail(Robin Givens) way of being a smart ass with grace (she always manages to pull of the bourgeois roles good) and her killer wardrobe. She puts Sanaa in her place and chin-checks her lover William (Cole Hauser) as well. When the drama unravels honey, it gets real good. I'm not going to give away the goods, take your derriere to the movies and give Tyler his bread. You won't be disappointed--unless you're sleeping with a married man.

L.A. Fashion Week is coming!!

2008-09-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

Get ready fashionistas, L.A. fashion week sponsored by Mercedes-Benz starts in 28 days!

The week long celebration featuring the Spring 2009 collections from some of the hottest designers officially begins on Friday, October 10th and ends on Friday, October 17th.

I will keep you posted on the schedule of events and provide a list of designers as I obtain them!

My New Computer is the F%$#@* Bomb!!!

2008-09-11T16:22:00.000-07:00

For those of you who write, you know how important it is to have a laptop. I cannot live without my laptop. I like to write at the drop of dime so I have to be mobile! My new Gateway M-6332 is metallic garnet red with 2GB RAM and 160 GB HD and a 15.4" screen. It's wireless/Bluetooth capable so I can hook it up to my Palm Centro if I need an Internet connection. Talk about sexy, this thing is almost hotter than me!

10 Most Overpaid Hollywood Actors

2008-09-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

I was wondering when somebody was compile this list. I always said Nicole Kidman was the so overrated. Cameron Diaz is another one who doesn't live up to the hype. I guess it's safe to say Hollywood can make people delusional.

Here's the list along with the gross income for every dollar they are paid. And they have the nerve to pay teachers nothing.

1. Nicole Kidman - $1
2. Jennifer Garner - $3.60
3. Tom Cruise - $4
4. Cameron Diaz - $4
5. Jennifer Lopez - $4.10
6. Jim Carrey - $4.11
7. Nicolas Cabge - $4.16
8. Drew Barrymore - $4.38
9. Will Ferrell - $4.67
10. Cate Blanchett - $4.97

Keeping Secrets: Sarah Palin Proves That Everybody Ain't Got Common Sense

2008-09-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

When John McCain announced that he selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate for the Vice-President seat on the Republican party ticket, he shocked his cohorts and the rest of the United States. Palin who has become the subject of controversy has had her dirty laundry aired out not only in the news, but the candy-coated pages of celebrity gossip magazines. Palin was featured on the September 15 issues of OK magazine and US Weekly clutching "her" then newborn baby Trig.

Well what's wrong with that? You ask. Nothing--if you live in a place called Denial. The truth about Trig being Palin's baby, and not her now pregnant 17 year-old daughter Bristol's child, has raised questions among people close to the family and her fellow Americans who are eating the gossip up like the last canape and a swakny New York party. Palin claimed to have gone into labor while traveling and took an 8-hour flight back to Alaska to give birth. Smells like b.s. to me. Even more bizarre was the fact that Palin returned to work just three days after giving "birth". Ask classmates of Bristol to explain and they'll tell you she mysteriously absent from school for five months this past spring. Apparently snow jobs run rampant in Alaska.

Palin who is against sex education is also under fire for giggling at an Anchorage radio talk-show host's comments he made about her political rival state senator Lyda Green. Even more laughable than John's McCain's choice for vice-president is the fact that he actually believes people will accept this women to help him run the country when she professes to have not "Known much about the Iraq war," until her eldest son Trig, 19 was about to be sent there. Way to go Sarah, you'll make a great vice-president. Like many of your Republican counterparts, you seem to enjoy a life of lying and denial.
Photo: Sarah and Todd Palin with "son" Trig.

Women Who Cook

2008-09-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

My guy friends tell me they are sick of dating women who don't cook. If they do cook, they only make things like hamburger helper and spaghetti. Well guys I apologize on behalf of the women (like myself) who actually do get in the kitchen and burn (not literally). I've been cooking as long as I've been writing (since I was 8 years old). My maternal grandmother baked cakes and pies better than Betty Crocker. She turned her baking into a hustle and was able to be generous to her children and grandchildren.

I don't understand women who don't cook or claim they can't. Cooking is all about creativity and imagination. The first thing I learned to cook was spaghetti, but I moved on from that to make lasagna, grilled and fried fish, omelets, seasoned steak and more. I don't play when it comes to food. Despite my small frame, I can put away some grub.

Cooking is a great stress reliever, and it's good to see people you love enjoying your cuisine. Besides that, I am an excellent hostess and I enjoy entertaining. I keep Bon Appetit and Martha's Everyday Food close by. It's fine to be beautiful but when you're beautiful and can cook, you might just make someone fall in love.

Fall Fashion: Must Haves for Every Wardrobe

2008-09-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

As summer winds down and fall sets in, every woman must step her game up to stay on top. Fall brings out the fight in us all, the fight to want to be the most fabulous woman we can be. Every August I go through my closet to prepare for the season. I get rid of summer clothes (unless it's still hot) that I'm not going to wear. I put all of my "business" clothes on one side of the closet, and I make sure my shoes are clean, polished, and in working order. A damaged heel can be the death of a debutante! There is a store for everyone and every budget. Take Gap, Inc.'s 3 stores: Old Navy, Gap, and Banana Republic. While I am partial to BR, I also buy clothes from Old Navy. Gap has disappointed me its last few seasons, but Patrick Robinson's debut line with the legendary American label is sure to make we want to take a peek. I've already found a dress I like from their new European collection that would look fabulous on my size 2 frame. So whether you're using your debit card, cold card, or platinum card, it's time to go shopping.

Here's what to buy:
-a black suit
-a sheath dress
-a fabulous silk scarf (try satin if you're not partial to silk)
-2 to 3 button down shirts
-a cardigan sweater
-2 pairs of slacks
-a knee length skirt
-cowl neck or turtleneck sweaters
-a sturdy handbag, preferably leather
-a pair of black pumps
-3 tees in varying colors
-a trench coat or pea coat
-a pretty dress for cocktail hour

Once you have these staples in your closet, you can build the rest of your wardrobe around them and plan your looks accordingly.

Stores I recommend:
Ann Taylor
BCBG
GAP
Banana Republic
Old Navy
Ann Taylor Loft
The Limited
Express
NY & Co
Macy's

When buying clothes, buy clothes that fit, or have a little room for growth. if you know you are a size 10, please don't try to squeeze into an eight. Sucking everything in will not help your look. Tight-fitting clothes in the work arena are not a good look. Be careful with prints, they will swallow you whole or add pounds onto your shape. If you're not sure what to do, contact a stylist, they are paid to make you look good.

That's all for now, happy shopping.

Q's Annual Labor Day Bash...Yes I Was There

2008-09-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

I spent my Labor Day weekend at a friend from college's party. The swanky soiree in Hancock Park had young black folks--and a few others raising the roof at my friend's estate. We sipped on tangy Mojitos, Cosmos, and other concoctions while listening to a live performance from Loose Ends. I got a change to see old and new faces from my alma mater and enjoyed myself to no end. Actor Sean Blakemore (Motives) and I chatted briefly, while Claudia Jordan and friends chatted it up with Bebe clothes and weaves in tow. Not trying to clown, I just call it like I see it. As usual there were more women than men. Not surprising...But it made me ask in my best Queen Latifah in Living Single voice: "Where Are the Men?"
Photo: Me and my fabulous friends.